Weekly WTF: Fake '+' Home Pregnancy Test

Some failblog treats

i know its pretty uncool to just rip-off other sites but these are three beauties further related to pregnancy therefore quite topical ;)

Want to see the future?

everyone loves to play the
"oh! he has your eyes!"
"she's got your cheeks!!"
"Wow those are Dad's ears!"

well with the dawning of the Dawson offspring i thought we might take a plunge at who might get the nod in the highest of contributions towards DJ's appearance














of course the other option with a nickname like DJ (s)he might come out like this?

Building A Backyard Urinal - Day 2 : Walls

After spending Day 1 walking around, digging, staring, looking confused and working against at least 3 laws of physics - your ready for Day 2. From all the mistakes you made barely building a tiny part of the foundation yesterday, you should be getting quite good at swearing. This will come in handy for today's steps.

Materials Needed: Shovel, Vertical Supports (star pickets), Wall Sheeting, Cordless Drill, Screws, Hammer, Long Wooden Planks, Safety Glasses.

- As you approach the construction area (further referred to as Ground Zero) make sure you have a strong, confident, determined look on your face. It can sense fear.

- Assess the work and progress you made yesterday by doing a quick "Sit Rep". Scout around the area and take down points of strengths/weaknesses as this will be valuable in today's building progression. Once you have stopped laughing and started to get a little concerned about your mental stability, move to the next step.

**Note: If you have arrived at ground zero only to find there's nothing there, chances are it got a tad windy overnight. Pop your head over the fence and check if one of your neighbours yards is sporting your monstrosity. Proceed in one of two ways: 1. If they have finished building the urinal and it came out alot better that you could have done - let it be. Of course if someone is using the urinal, give em a wave on your way back inside. 2. Sneak over there and chuck it back over the fence so you don't have to do the walk of shame and apologise. Remember - No one likes a push over.

- Take the knowledge gained from yesterday and run with it. Learn. Take out any panels that can fall with the force of a drunken stumbling buffoon and assemble them on some flat ground nearby. Place the wooden planks under the wall panels and screw them down. Step out the rough length you need and add panels so its a close match.

- Once you believe its strong enough, stand the wall up vertically. Do not attempt to stop the wall splitting up because it wasn't strong enough, instead, swear and lie the piece still in your hand back down. Proceed to apply so much bracing and support that it now weighs a metric ton, totally disregarding the fact that you have to move it into place on your own.

- Stand the great wall up again. *Optional: Fart. Test the weight of the almighty beast and after confirming it's far too heavy to move on your own, move it on your own. If you survive, stand the wall in the trench made on Day 1. Hammer it down or dig it out until its the correct height. Repeat at least 5 times.

- Kick sand around the base until it 'sorta' stands up. Run and get another support. Swear. Pick up the wall and kick the sand in again before jamming a support in place.

- Stand back and marvel at your awesomeness. Repeat for the 1-2 remaining walls and ensure you bask in your masculinity after each one is in place.

- Find random scraps of wood from round the back of the shed (or break some off the Mrs's prized vegie garden stakes) to build angled supports for the corners. Find the most inappropriately long screws for this task in the hope that it will be to scared to fall down from now on.

- Check the stability again. If its a little shaky, locate some unused PVC pipe that you bought to fix the retic and use that. Remember, the longer the better. Put it in place and get a ladder to start hammering it down. IMPORTANT: Put on your safety glasses! Start hammering the PVC down into the ground and prey that there is nothing of value under it. The PVC will shard with one hit and go into the ground with the next so 50% of the time your doing a good job and the rest is downright dangerous. Ignore the danger and proceed until its down at wall height. Use another huge screw to hold it in place.

- Get a beer and take a picture for your blog.

Day 2 Lessons Learned
1. The rear neighbours have a pool!
2. Eyes don't grow back.
3. Its gunna be wicked when its finished.

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Building A Backyard Urinal - Day 1 : Ignorance

Congratulations on deciding to build your very first backyard Urinal!

By now you've managed to convince everyone you know that this IS a good idea or you're just ignoring them and building it anyway. Either way, good for you, they'll be thanking you later.

Materials Needed: Shovel, Vertical Supports (star pickets), Wall Sheeting, Cordless Drill, Screws, Hammer.

- With the image of the finished product in your head (because you definitely haven't drawn it up or measured anything) dig the trench for the wall sheeting to follow. Pile the sand really close by so you can kick it into the hole again while holding the sheeting vertical later on. Make sure you completely exhaust yourself and cover your entire body with dirt, dust, leaves and misc shit.

- Pick a spot along the trench to start building the wall and hammer in a support. Hold up a piece of sheeting and try to lean it against the support while you get another one. Pick the sheeting up off the ground and try again. Give up and just go get another sheet anyway.

- Wait for appropriate wind gusts to dash for extra sheeting until you have 3-4 pieces up. Wait for an INappropriate wind gust to blow them all down *Optional: Cut yourself trying to hold them in place and not drop your hammer on your foot.

- Finally realise that you need cross bracing on the walls cos they are only 0.5mm thick and get bent faster than Bob Downey Jnr. Assemble the braces and screw them in with the drill so that your creation starts to resemble something........ anything.

- Look up and see that there is no sun anymore and its time for bed.

Day 1 Lessons Learned
1. Dirt sticks to sweat
2. Hammering is loud
3. Wind blows things over
4. 'Thinking' takes time away from 'Doing' so don't do it.
5. It gets dark at night

Onward to Day 2!
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Weekly WTF: Bicycle Brake DIY Flamethrower

Open Your Ears Wk 3

THE DECEMBERISTS - The Legionnaire's Lament

Colin Meloy heads up this indie band from Oregan, USA. They have been around for a fair while, i think about 7 albums or so. It was quite hard to pick a track to really show off who they are and what they are about. I decided to go with this one, real story telling and yet a nice driving melody and sweet disposition.

I decided to run with them this week if you are going to BDO or TAF make sure you catch their set

The Decemberists MySpaz : www.myspace.com/thedecemberists
The Legionnaire's Lament Youtube
On the Bus Mall (Live) Youtube
The Bachelor + The Bride Youtube, probably my favourite track of theirs when done solo by Colin
if you enjoyed The Decemberists check out Colin Meloy playing solo

Teenage Bitches

For my first of many rants in the 'teens' I'd like to rekindle 2 old but far from resolved things that continue to F&*k me off, every single day!

Pedestrians
For those that don't know, Perth is in the dark ages regarding pedestrian movement around the CBD. It was setup and widely plugged as a 'Pedestrian Friendly' city but in reality what that means is traffic is brought to a complete standstill just cos some deuche wants to cross the road.

In all other cities I've been to I have never seen all traffic from all directions stop so that people can walk. Even on the less populated intersections, if the green man (going the same direction as the traffic) is on, the cars turning left have a red. Give the car a green AND the pedestrian a green like the rest of the world - any cars heading left just have to wait for the people before turning. This brings me to my bitch:

Pedestrians that press the button at a traffic light but then walk cos there aren't any cars coming. OK, Just Stop It!!!!! If your one inclined to jay-walk, look first then hit the button if there's no safe way to cross. I have no issue with people that hit the button then wait even if there's nothing coming, all I ask is that IF you hit the button - tough - your waiting. Its so frustrating to be driving along, only to be stopped by an invisible pedestrian, oh wait - there they are......100m up the F*&king road!!!!!

Bus Commuters
I can't comment on anywhere other than Perth and London here but in short, London buses work and Perth buses don't. In my opinion this is solely to do with bus numbers and frequencies. The government doesn't want to spend money on buses cos no one catches them but no one catches them cos there aren't enough of them! In London, if you want to get on a bus, you walk to the stop and wait - no need to check timetables etc, one will be along within 15 mins at the absolute most. This makes it very very simple and therefore they are widely used.

Here in peak times they run every 20 mins and non peak, every hour. They might as well not run them at all other than peak times cos you cant rely on an hourly bus - plain and simple. My bitch is related to buses but back to bitch #1, again, its the people using them that are stupid:

Its common knowledge that you get ON a bus at the front and get OFF it at the back........ or so you'd think. Perth bus-ers are selectively ignorant to this and on all routes, most (not all) get off via the the front. On the older MTT buses it even says on the 'Bus Stopping' light inside the bus ' Exit Via The Rear Doors'. Sometimes its ok and I admit to using the front myself on occasion but if there are people waiting to get ON the bus at the stop, its a no brainer.... or maybe that's the problem - no brains.

Big shout out to my co-bloggers daughter in hospital for the next week or so. Incase anyone is wondering, Yes, TVs can break legs. Get well soon Meelz!
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TAF - 16 Days and Counting

CD's have been ordered, attendance is all but finalised and TAF10 is almost upon us.

Just to give you an idea of the popularity...... 23 people have confirmed their attendance whether it be off and on, 1 day or the full 2 day camping experience. This has made music selection an absolute no-brainer so thanks very much for all of your quick replies.

Once I actually dug into the artists playing I found that not all of them have recent CD releases. With that in mind, bands like Fear Factory and Groove Armada dropped off the purchase list to make way for lesser known acts which also keeps us more on par with alternative fesitval playlists.

The festival music itinerary has been completed so click here for the official lineup.

I have just spoken with Ah' Yeah brewing and there will be 2 beers on tap at TAF this year:
Mexican Cerveza (Sol, Corona) - Mexico is known for its arid lands, dusty conditions and oppressive heat. So it’s not surprising that the people of Mexico are experts at quenching a thirst. Coopers Mexican Cerveza emulates the style of the finest quality beers exported from Mexico. This premium beer is light in style with a fresh clean taste, ideally served ice-cold with a wedge of lime or lemon.
Australian Pale Ale (Coopers Pale Ale) - Our master brewers have developed a beer concentrate in the style of the famous COOPERS ORIGINAL PALE ALE which is considered an Australian icon. The finest 2-row barley, hops and specially selected yeast combine to produce a beer with fruity and floral characters, balanced with a crisp bitterness and compelling flavour perfect for every occasion.
Ginger Beer - For all those intending on driving home or taking a breather off the booze during the festival - freshly brewed non-alcoholic Coopers Ginger Beer will also be available on tap.

All of the above will be on tap, icy cold and available via self service for the duration of the festival. $20 will buy you a bottomless glass of all 3 so if you'd like to have 2-3 beers plus, then leave the hassles at home and let a lobster do the talking.

As per the previous TAF posting, everything except loo paper and BBQ gas is BYO. There will be 2-3 cooking stations on the go so we're fully flexible for all day food or longer cooking times. We want to encourage crazy and unorthodox foods with oddball cooking techniques so get your practice in now to show off your mad-skillz.

As far as the $25 CD payment goes, I'll send an email around with my bank details in the next few days. That's all the updates I can think of for now. If you have any queries at all, get in contact asap.

Incase you need them, here is a link to the older TAF posting and here is a link to the festival map.


Phil Dawson
TAF Chairperson

Update 15/1: Make that 24 people! Great to have you on board Amanda.

No Pants Subway Ride

Courtesy of Yahoo.com (and every other news site on the planet!)

NEW YORK – Hundreds of New Yorkers have been riding the city's subway trains in their underwear.

They stripped down to their undies on Sunday for the ninth annual No Pants Subway Ride.

The idea is to act like nothing unusual is going on. Participants met up at six locations throughout the city. They formed groups and dispersed to subway stations to catch trains. Once inside the subway cars, they began calmly removing their pants and folding them up.

Most people read magazines or chatted with their companions like any other straphanger.

The event started in 2002 with just seven people. It has spread to other cities.

The stunt is organized by Improv Everywhere, a group that says its mission is to cause "scenes of chaos and joy in public places."
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This entire stunt was news to me! Had no idea about this or the previous 8 years : )


Soundtrack Of The Day: 3 Doors Down - Seventeen Days
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