Building A Backyard Urinal - Day 2 : Walls

After spending Day 1 walking around, digging, staring, looking confused and working against at least 3 laws of physics - your ready for Day 2. From all the mistakes you made barely building a tiny part of the foundation yesterday, you should be getting quite good at swearing. This will come in handy for today's steps.

Materials Needed: Shovel, Vertical Supports (star pickets), Wall Sheeting, Cordless Drill, Screws, Hammer, Long Wooden Planks, Safety Glasses.

- As you approach the construction area (further referred to as Ground Zero) make sure you have a strong, confident, determined look on your face. It can sense fear.

- Assess the work and progress you made yesterday by doing a quick "Sit Rep". Scout around the area and take down points of strengths/weaknesses as this will be valuable in today's building progression. Once you have stopped laughing and started to get a little concerned about your mental stability, move to the next step.

**Note: If you have arrived at ground zero only to find there's nothing there, chances are it got a tad windy overnight. Pop your head over the fence and check if one of your neighbours yards is sporting your monstrosity. Proceed in one of two ways: 1. If they have finished building the urinal and it came out alot better that you could have done - let it be. Of course if someone is using the urinal, give em a wave on your way back inside. 2. Sneak over there and chuck it back over the fence so you don't have to do the walk of shame and apologise. Remember - No one likes a push over.

- Take the knowledge gained from yesterday and run with it. Learn. Take out any panels that can fall with the force of a drunken stumbling buffoon and assemble them on some flat ground nearby. Place the wooden planks under the wall panels and screw them down. Step out the rough length you need and add panels so its a close match.

- Once you believe its strong enough, stand the wall up vertically. Do not attempt to stop the wall splitting up because it wasn't strong enough, instead, swear and lie the piece still in your hand back down. Proceed to apply so much bracing and support that it now weighs a metric ton, totally disregarding the fact that you have to move it into place on your own.

- Stand the great wall up again. *Optional: Fart. Test the weight of the almighty beast and after confirming it's far too heavy to move on your own, move it on your own. If you survive, stand the wall in the trench made on Day 1. Hammer it down or dig it out until its the correct height. Repeat at least 5 times.

- Kick sand around the base until it 'sorta' stands up. Run and get another support. Swear. Pick up the wall and kick the sand in again before jamming a support in place.

- Stand back and marvel at your awesomeness. Repeat for the 1-2 remaining walls and ensure you bask in your masculinity after each one is in place.

- Find random scraps of wood from round the back of the shed (or break some off the Mrs's prized vegie garden stakes) to build angled supports for the corners. Find the most inappropriately long screws for this task in the hope that it will be to scared to fall down from now on.

- Check the stability again. If its a little shaky, locate some unused PVC pipe that you bought to fix the retic and use that. Remember, the longer the better. Put it in place and get a ladder to start hammering it down. IMPORTANT: Put on your safety glasses! Start hammering the PVC down into the ground and prey that there is nothing of value under it. The PVC will shard with one hit and go into the ground with the next so 50% of the time your doing a good job and the rest is downright dangerous. Ignore the danger and proceed until its down at wall height. Use another huge screw to hold it in place.

- Get a beer and take a picture for your blog.

Day 2 Lessons Learned
1. The rear neighbours have a pool!
2. Eyes don't grow back.
3. Its gunna be wicked when its finished.

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