Building A Backyard Urinal - Day 3 : Plumbing

So you've had a little rest for a couple of days and returned to ground zero. By now it will come as no surprise that the urinal is still standing and your friends have stopped returning your phone calls. There's no turning back now!

Materials Needed: Shovel, Sheet Capping, Cordless Drill, Angle Grinder, Screws, Pipe, Hammer, 2m Guttering, 2m Wooden Board, Full Bladder.

- Today's first step takes place offsite. You will have already pre-planned your brother in law demolishing his house at this time so head on over there for some supplies. Help out for awhile until you discover sheet capping the exact same size as the walls of your urinal and around 1m of storm water pipe. Done? OK. While your there, wait until he isn't looking and pull down enough guttering to redo the Taj Mahal...... just incase. (Note: ensure that you load the car and make a speedy getaway before it starts raining.)

- Once back at ground zero, lay all the new pieces out on the ground and marvel at the fact that, so far, it hasn't cost you anything. Hose all the dirt/spiders/rust off each piece and ensure they cannot be identified as stolen later on by spray painting them a different colour. If it can't be proven, it will never stand up in court.... except maybe Judge Judy but she doesn't count.

- Drag the guttering into the urinal and mark the size you need. Grab your Angle Grinder and find the dullest, most un-user friendly angle grinder blade. Repeatedly attempt to cut the guttering to size with it. After 6-7 near amputations you should be done (Optional: even though you know its boiling hot, touch the freshly cut edge to confirm. Swear)

- Venture round the back of the shed and produce a suitable board for a backing panel. Measure and repeat as above to cut to size, with the grinder of course. If you chose a thick enough board and your grinder blade is exceptionally dull, you will most probably start a fire at this point. Do not be alarmed. Pretend you knew it was going to happen and try your best to ignore the flame and proceed anyway cos 'your almost done now'. Locate the nearest garden hose (or fire exit depending on the size of the inferno) and extinguish the flames. Mount the gutter piece to the BACK of the board with a few screws and drag the masterpiece into the urinal again to ensure its the correct length. Bingo. Cast it aside for now and draw your attention to the pipe.

- Stand the pipe up and mark 15cm vertical lines down the sides cos now you will need to cut the top 15cms of the pipe in half. Imagine () is what you start with and ) is what you need to end up with! Again, only make the cut 15cms long or you will end up with : ( . Once again, use the same grinder and the completely ripped and now boiling hot blade.

- Stand the cut pipe in the corner of the urinal and hammer it into the ground. The guttering will rest on it at that end so hammer it down a bit then try resting the gutter on it until its the perfect pee height. This should take you no longer than 2.5 hours.

- With the pipe set at the optimum height, rest the guttering in it and screw it to the wall sheet. Use your eye to judge the urine fall angle and proceed to put a few more screws in for good measure. Pour some water in. Unscrew everything and redo it a little higher so that the water flows TOWARD the pipe you setup. Pour some more water in. Swear. Unscrew it all again and mount it so bloody high that it will sound like Niagara Falls when in use. Pour water in................. Success!

- Get a beer and take a picture for your blog..........................pee beer out into the urinal. Laugh to yourself.

Day 3 Lessons Learned
1. Building a urinal makes you wanna pee.
2. Angle Grinders cut through everything.
3. Liquid drains downhill.
4. Your nearly done!

P.S. Happy Australia Day! Eat as much beef, seafood and chicken as you can but PLEASE skip the bloody lamb :)
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